When True Colours Will Bleed.

The photo-shoot yesterday was totally ok. No seriously, my day turned out to be good. I love being in front of the camera... and after a few beers, it gets even better!
Though I'm getting pissed every single time I walk in to the bathroom.. (read the post below)
The fall is here for real now. Can't believe how beautiful it is with all these colors. As I left the school and made my way to the bus, I found a red leaf. Drenched in a dark red color, the only thing it could remind me of was blood. Then I began to think about what I learned so many years ago; The tree is absorbing it's nourishment (now, is that the right word?) from the leaves to survive the winter, waiting for new ones the following year. I kept on walking but still had that red leaf on my mind. Maybe it's the same with people. Maybe it's the same with me. Most of the time, during the fall and winter actually, I do feel like breaking all the connections I have with my friends here. Well, maybe not all of them but most of them. Sometimes I throw them out of my life too (I am very forgiving, so they must've done something really bad to deserve that) and of course I miss them sometimes. But just like it takes time for the ground to hid and break down the fallen leaves, I guess it takes as much time for my heart.
But I usually never miss. So that's kind of a lie... though old feelings tends to come back sometimes... It's me and myself, how sad it might seem. No, I never miss them so much I want'em back, not if it was my choice... I miss two persons, that'll say, them I do miss all the time... and Johnny Depp. But let's leave him outta the picture, shall we? (*drooling*)
It was not a choice made by anyone to be so far away from them (just so you don't get it wrong: the two persons, not Johnny-boy).
Some of my friends are addicted to me for many reasons, how bad it sounds when I say it myself, but it's their own words.
Am I the tree to them, and in order to find the balance in my life, am I without noticing killing them in one way?
I... I can't understand that... all the trust they have in me. I've never felt that way for anyone, ever. Not even for my family. I live a life with a lot of people who loves me, but still I am alone. Maybe, maybe it's my own choice, 'cause you can't trust anyone but yourself.

Since I've lived a life of... how can I say? - I've always been there for everyone, he/she/it didn't even have to be my friend. It's easy to get to know me, but to understand and actually see me, the deeper side if you wanna sound a lil' more poetic, is something people never finds out. "I'm not lying, I'm just not telling."
Anyhow, it was really fun to notice that compared to the lives of the friends I grew up with, I was the one who needed protection, and love and someone to talk to. Since I never had that, I became everything I needed... for others.
Ain't it ironic?

And... I would never steal it's green color from everyone. Maybe that's why I barely survive.